Up the Workers

November, 2004 :

In all the time I’ve been a worker, I’ve accumulated a rather large database of people types, mostly in the mechanical engineering or aerospace industries. In the company I frequent at the present time it strikes me that, although there are five or six hundred employees at this one site, predominantly they can be categorized into a handful of personality types.

This will be a first attempt to create those categories, I’m sure that the definitions will evolve over time, either that or I’ll become disinterested in the entire process and start discussing calculators or Dinky Toys again.

Type I
This co-worker always appears to be extremely busy, even in times when there is zero work they will be seen clutching papers, rushing about the office, frowning and making a point of telling everyone that they’re far too busy and when will it all end? – If I was to characterize from a movie, it would be C3-PO from Star Wars.

Type II
In a bizarro twist, type II exist to cancel out the positive charge of type I, these characters survive on apathy, indifference and the inability to work to any “real” deadline. They can usually be found at the nearby coffee station discussing anything but work. They have at least one copy of Consumer Reports in their desk and know a lot about hockey.

Type III
The type III character is most probably the one in the office who creates lists about the other types. He is a very handsome young man, full of the zest for life, works well under most circumstances, a self starter who has a grasp of exactly what’s needed in the day to day running of the business, a reliable chap who has the company at heart and is willing to sacrifice all to achieve management goals.

Type IV
The fouth type drop into the lost boys category, these are the people who believe that they are destined to be great, but, after a decade or more in the business, have never achieved anything more than the concentrated loathing of their co-workers as they try to backstab their way onto the elusive first rung of the corporate ladder. It is this type that will always have a television that is one inch bigger than yours and usually paid twenty dollars less for whatever small appliance that you’ve just purchased. A Lord of the Rings character nicknamed Wormtongue comes to mind when describing this type.

Type V
These are the mid-management types who have, through hard work at company events and management barbecues, secured a first or second rung position on the ladder, I know very little about these types as they don’t talk to me any more.

I’m just scratching the surface, I’m sure that there are many more types and will update this vibrant, online, report for you as soon as I can. I’m confident that, between us, we can make the world a much better place.

All it will take is a good list.