Pixel Perfect?

December, 2005 :

I’ve heard through various news soundbytes and web snippets that they’re having trouble with the new Xbox 360. The new console is reported to be flaky, has overheating problems and locks up during gameplay.

In a way, that warms my heart as it may stem the rising new product launch frenzies that we see on a regular basis. Hardcore gamers all over North America lined up for hours outside their respective electronic outlets, Best Buy. Future Shop, Circuit City, you name it and a long line of nerds could be seen licking the windows and peeing into coke cans.

They instigated a wristband approach in some areas, giving the first one hundred “lucky” consumers first dibs on the new wonder device, although that did not prevent the traditional Pamplonaesque running of the bulls as the big doors slid open at the magical moment.

Herds of Nerds, pockets full of unwanted cash, disposable income that would soon be disposed of. Secreted in that exhilarated throng of throbbing adolescence were a pocket of aging ebay meanies, snatching up the five hundred dollar units to immediately list them on ebay at double the price, offering a priceless opportunity for all those daddies to pacify their little loved ones over the festivus season. It’s Tickle-Me-Elmo all over again, the gift of love through the unlimited application of foolish money.

Christmas morning will never be the same again, as little, crippled, tiny Tim feverishly unwraps his Xbox 360, squeals with delight and exclaims that God should bless every one of us, including Mister Gates, Ebay and the Federal Reserve for their special kindness this year. This being followed by a frantic plugging in ceremony, ten or twenty minutes trying to use the special cheat codes to get Laura Croft on all fours naked and then an exciting time sitting across the street, waiting for the fire department to arrive.

Can someone please get me one?



(Full disclosure, I own a classic Xbox and love the thing. I’ll be buying a 360 as soon as they stop exploding)