Phantom Chrimbo Rant

Christmas 2008 :

HoHoHo and all that, or in the Scotsmans case HolaHolaHola

Wishing you a good, safe and merry Festivus/Christmas/Hanukkah or whatever goofy religious reason you use to eat/drink/spend too much. It is more important than ever to get out there this year to spend your own money (before our government does it for you) and remember the children, for it is the children that enjoy this time of the year the most, their little golden faces on "the magic gift day" are a delight to see, their innocence of life and their hope of the future makes us all wonder why we drink too much, and then, for one reason or another, we remember, and continue to drink more.

I have missed you people, slightly, and I wish I could be there in the emporium at this time of the year to enjoy a cologne free pot luck dinner while thinking that "I had my chance" with Terry Nelson, please know that in life, golden chances pass by just once, and if you dont jump on that chance and give it a good seeing to, it will be gone and someone else will be given that chance, very quickly and usually they will bury their face in that chance and enjoy the joyous meats, fruits and syrups of that chance, so, please, please, do not look a gift horse in the mouth, mount that horse and ride like the wind for they call the wind Mariah.

Where was I?

Oh yes, have a happy and safe holiday, be nice to people, if you pass by the thinning Scotsmans desk and he's hiding, leave him some food so that he does not have to add another buckle hole in his belt, don't leave wrapped or unperishable items though as they are sure to end up in the wee ones Christmas stockings or in the drawer at his abode that has all the staplers, power bars and stationary in.

This is the time of year to give and not receive and before the more affluent amongst you resort to that December "tax loss selling" instead of the other type of selling of stocks that has become popular this year, think once again about the children, yes, I'm talking about giving the gift of stock. It is the time of the year to think about all the children, even the little bald and ugly ones, so, if you have any stocks that have become weakened or worthless this year, give them to the children, for they will enjoy them and make lovely things out of them, like little paper airplanes or origami piglets.

The most important thing is to smile, think of the bad times and reflect that you are better off today than you were then, if, in fact, you have not had any bad times, well, think of others who have had them which is sure to bring a big smile to your face. It is not funny to think of other peoples pain, but, you have to admit that the months that Mark Clemente spent pretending to be the misshapen bellringer from Victor Hugo's famous novel are certainly at the roots of comedy. If you are near to Mark's desk, be sure to give him a gentle hug, for anything more may result in cauldrons of boiling oil being poured on your feet.

And give, give like you never have before. If you are near Gary Bambers desk, give him a smile, or Rob Chappells desk, an eyebrow. Visit Dan Hetheringtons desk and ask him if he really thinks that a coalition arrangement with the liberals and the bloc is a good idea for his party and of course, if you see John Oh about, give a big hug because we all know now, that despite poisoning the little children with lead covered toys or melamine filled milk, the Chinese are not all that bad after all and could be our way out of this mess.

Oh, and one more thing.....

Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year guys, lots of hugs and good wishes from the Weldons.
xxxx