Jobber Humour

November 28th, 2007

Carlos sent me this :

There has been a spate of incidents where honest, hard working, agency contractors have been seduced into taking permanent staff positions by slipping a drug into their drinks.

The "Rate Rape" drug, as it's come to be known, is a particularly powerful narcotic, with extreme hallucinogenic properties, instilling a feeling of total sensory shutdown in the face of impending poverty.

The concoction - real name "Permicillin" - is usually administered by a Senior Permie Manager in a cup of tea/coffee. Beware of any drinks offered by permies. It may be a trap! The drug is tasteless and odourless and the unsuspecting jobber may only be aware of it several hours after the first ingestion.

Short term symptoms to look out for are :
* Immediate loss of appetite for Steak/Lobster/Champagne.
* Loss of the need to do more than an 8 hr day (maximum).
* The almost overwhelming need to do the current contract for half of the going rate "Just for the love of the Company".

Long term symptoms to look out for are :
* The selling of all luxury toys (motorbikes/sports cars/private jets/yachts ) etc.
* Downsizing and major extensions of loans/mortgage terms etc.
* Becoming known as a "team player".
* Always having "something on" whenever there is a rush job needing to be done.
* Becoming an expert at having meetings to decide what meetings are required.

This is an extremely vicious crime and we must all be vigilant to stamp it out. The only known cure is to immediately down 3 bottles of Moet, then take a ride in a Ferrari and put in two 18 hr days, back to back, followed by a jobber's shopping weekend in New York, flying out Friday night,returning Monday 5.30a.m., then in to work for 7.00a.m of the same morning.